Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize