carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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