Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
