just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
