He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
