I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
