the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
