Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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