i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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