every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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