Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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