I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize