And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
