he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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