literally had 100 drinks last night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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