I cockslap morals
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
