Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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