She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
