Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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