I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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