We named our party play list daddy issues
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
