And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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