A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
