found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize