He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
And then he peed in my hair
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