I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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