You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
