I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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