My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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