Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
