sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
