OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
