We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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