All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
