You're so nebulous sometimes
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
