Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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