We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
