oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm passing your future prison.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
