the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
