Where did you get a picture of my penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
