You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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