soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
