Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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