break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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