**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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