I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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