you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I would ride that face into the sunset
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
