If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
