i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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