Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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