she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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