he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of course I have a pirate flag
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
