Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
