Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
