I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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