you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
