Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
