I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize