her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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