I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
