She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
