making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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