i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
