yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
