coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think my moral compass just broke
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