I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm really busy with my period
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