the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
