I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
