Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
