WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
