there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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