if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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