theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
