I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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