I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
