dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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