And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
