at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
