Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
