I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
