And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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